bad taste???

i have such an unhealthy attraction to the worst people. for example, a man who threatened to make a SNUFF film out of me, and break my soul so much that i can never leave him. i was madly infatuated with him. i find that insane. considering thats how most the men that have been in and out of my life have been. i think im stuck on wanting an incel man, male manipulator. i cant explain why but those are literally the only people im attracted to. but when i date people who arent that, im the crazy one gaslighting them? maybe the reason i like manipulators is bc im actually one and a fucking narcassist?