the usual feeling of being a waste

I am having the usual feeling of being a burden. I don't know why I am crying. Is it the stress of my family? Is it the overwhelming fear that I am not good enough for him or maybe the feeling that I am wasting everything cause I am not worthy. All I want is him to be happy but I am draining every little thing from his life and I already know quite soon I will suffocate him with the humongous burden of me. But I cannot go down cause I know that if I do I will drag him down with me. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves the best so that is what ill be for him if not for myself. I hope to never lose this boy. I hope to never be without him. I can picture us in a dingy little apartment making happiness out of the thin air that will be surrounding us. I can see me kissing his head to sleep every night trying to make him as happy as can be. But I don't know when ill be able to do that cause I don't know when ill stop suffocating him with me.