Why am I so messed up?

If I changed my hair and the way that I talk. And if I got new friends and I knew what to say when the conversation died. And I gave better compliments than "You look really nice". And if I had more fans and if I made more cash. And I believed you when you'd say I look nice. And if I changed everything, yeah, my whole fucking life. Would you please love me then?

Truthfully, I'm tired of being me. It's just too exhausting, I'm such a crybaby. Tragically, there are no real problems so I have to create them. So there is a purpose to my worrying. It's 8 o'clock and I just pressed "Send" now my text became some meaningless binary code, just some 1's and 0's. Until you gave it meaning again, I spent some time in the promised land and I spent my love on those who didn't love me back. And you waited here but not for me. You were waiting just 'cause you felt like it, and I'm so confused, what is happening? Are you staying here or are you leaving? Say something, say that you love me. And if I got to see a therapist on time maybe I could write a message on the first try. But I waste a whole day choosing "Hey" or "Hi" or "How you've been?" or "Is your day alright?" And if I could stop with hypotheticals then this wouldn't be hypothetical. But it is, and I can't say it right.