✧ Daily Log — #3

good afternoon passengers, captain ace reporting in.

things are going better. i'd like to say it will stay that way tonight, but who really knows. i made the edit, and i really, genuinely think it's lovely. as of right now it has over 2k likes, so i think other people like it too. i'm getting a little frustrated with some of the comments, but there's nothing i can really do to stop them.

i've watched it too many times now, the video, i mean.

it makes me yearn for a past i was not apart of, never granted the opportunity to have. in 2013, when the clips from said video were recorded, i was a mere eight years old. it was in america, boston specifically, and it saddens me that i will never experience that moment, ever. i wished i could have been there, even just for a split second.

paired with the sound it makes it worse, but it strangely also blesses me with a somewhat refilling happiness. it brings me joy to know that in that moment, he was happy, he was enjoying himself. it brings me joy seeing that the man i watch today has not changed in that area, that he still enjoys life.

i guess you could say i am envious of this. i wish to be older, to be able to reflect on myself now, as i am on this day. i wish to be able to watch as my younger self struggles, and have the knowledge that further on my life will get happier.

perhaps that is why i made the intro a slow zoom onto an old camera recording. i've always loved cameras, and recently i've been getting into the style of vhs and crt. it reminds me of home videos, the longing for a time of candid nature. my own home videos aren't what i necessarily find fondness in. they make me feel bad, they make me look upon my younger self with a negative shield over my eyes.

say someone were to make a video now, of me as i am. they recorded me on a shitty camcorder, poked fun at me, threw a snowball at my face. if i had videos like that, of myself now, i think i would like them a little more.

which is why i like the edit. i like the video, the day of joy captured so humbly on a handheld camera. it is not cinematic, it is not staged, it is simply pure. raw, as one might say.

the stream yesterday was funny, really funny. i kind of want to get the game now, but i'd be far too nervous to speak to any of the people in the the voice chat. i might work up my courage one of these days. but jerma said he wasn't going to be streaming for a little bit, and that's honestly fair. i have no idea how he managed to stream for over two hours whilst sick with covid. i do hope he gets better.

i've had another idea. it's less of an edit, and more of that i'd say a short film? i don't know, it's going on tiktok so that's what people will call it. it's only a minute long, and the background song is genesis by grimes. it's a nice song, i love the whole vibe.

the video itself is a representation of my state these past few months. i've been so curled up in my room, with my only escape being the internet. i have no hobbies outside of my phone or my computer, so essentially i have trapped myself within my own mind. that's the symbolism there, i guess, that my room is my mind. i keep myself in here, and i don't enjoy when people invade my space.

i have to wait though. my camera is on low battery, and i can't charge it until i go back to school on monday. tomorrow i have to do chores as well, so maybe i'll make another edit. i'm aware it's probably out of obligation rather than my personal desire, but i think i should just accept it for now.

that's your update. this is captain ace, switching off.