✧ Daily Log — #1

this is captain ace reporting in, welcome all passengers!

i thought that would be a silly little intro, i might do that with each of these.

welcome to my (semi)daily log! i'm in class at the moment, not exactly paying attention but hey i'll get the notes off someone else. jerma streamed today! he was playing splatoon with vinny vinesauce, and they were pretty bad at salmon run. to be fair, jerma hasn't played in a while, plus he has covid. he has absolutely no excuse though, aliens should be far superior at turf war than the average human.

bit of a life update, my friends and i are doing a secret santa this year! i'm going to be hosting it at my house, since i have a pool and it gets quite hot around december in australia. i thought it would be a fun idea to do something like this, since holidays this year have felt incredibly lack-luster. i went to a halloween party on the friday before, but when it came to the actual day i just wasn't as excited.

jerma said he'd stream again tomorrow too! i'm a little nervous considering he's decided to lean into the 'sus guy' label most people see him as. he'll be playing among us vr (with vinny again, i think), so he's going to rebrand for a bit. the reason i'm nervous is because i feel like it'll bring in a lot of different people, specifically people from outside of the community. i don't really want to be watching a fun stream and have the chat on the right be filled with absolute nonsense and braindead comments. who knows though, it might be totally fine.

nothing much left to report. i might edit this later today and give an update further into the afternoon. it's about 11am right now so anything could happen later on. 

that's it for now! captain ace, signing off.

[ EDIT: 6:08pm ]

i'm feeling significantly worse than i was when i first decided to post this. i've taken a shine to making edits on tiktok as of late, but my ability to do so is slowly slipping from me. i tend to get frustrated quite easily, and have a horrible cycle of forcing myself to make one in a 1-2 day period. i've come to the belief that if i do not do this, the viewership i receive will diminish. 

i fell victim to said cycle this afternoon, after seeing my previous video not get as much attention as my last few. i tried to come up with some ideas but i just ended up feeling like shit. my eyes are sore, my brain is foggy, and all i want to do is be rid of this horrible mindset. 

i seem to think ignoring it and putting on a video—maybe seán's new god of war uploads—will make me feel better. i have no idea if it will, and it will probably just make me feel more tired and strain my eyes further. perhaps i should finish watching jerma's vod from today, that might make me feel a little better.

i'm not exactly sure how to ask my parents that i should see a professional. my mother is pretty close-minded when it comes to the idea that maybe the reason i'm slipping in school is because of my mental health, and not for a lack of trying. her first idea is to get me a tutor rather than a therapist, which is something i think i've needed since i was twelve. 

whatever this feeling is, i do hope it leaves soon. i dislike it strongly, it makes me slump around like a zombie.