Theres something commutative about writing a diary public that makes it seem like im talking to real people. i have started to spiral again though im trying to actually start good coping habits. i just today deleted instagram and tiktok. though who knows how long it'll be till i re download them😝 since i realized i was spending most of my time on it. ive also been sh free for about a month? though urges have been so strong lately and its been really hard not to do it. i keep reminding myself that sh is temporary and it doesnt fix anything only creates more problems. but i have been having alot of trouble just getting out of bed or just spending time with people i enjoy or even doing the things i enjoy! gosh winter sucks. I also recently started public school and i wouldnt say its been one hell of a roller coaster more of a lazy river. at school ive got like 0 friends, however i think i am in prospects of making one at lunch?? today it was raining and i was eating outside and so were they and they said ''does it look like its raining?'' and i was like ''no not at all'' as it was pouring down. and then i took my umbrella out to share and it was turnt backwards!! so me and them ran to the bathroom together and kept talking till lunch was over. it was really nice. it made me feel better since no one knows i exist at that school, at least i dont think. and i had made on friend earlier that year to but they never texted me then went to hang out with there friends without me when they said they were so drained and exhausted to see anyone. so i havent contacted her. idk if im in the wrong for this one, am i?? another pair ive made friends with canceled hanging out this weekend and then invited me to something and forgot to tell me when they got there so i didn't go. it hurt but im going to give them a second chance. but like i said i hope it turns out for the better and i make some real friends. for me there is a couple things that are not a negotiation for friends ship:

you need to text me every once in awhile. it shows you actually care about our friendship for me.

dont be two faced or rude like that friend i was talking about earlier.

we have some things in common.

i dont feel like thats too much is it? it seems so hard to find though :(

idk what else to add rn so bye bye for now!!

1. ---

   no way am i capitalizing all the i's and what not. you deal with it.