brain dump

On the 4th day of April in the year of our Lord Nineteen hundred and five plus eighty, a wondrous event occurred which has marveled mankind ever since its occurrence - 3 Jabronis, brawling, were arrested for public indecency and indecent exposure in the presence of a minor - after pressing charges, the Attorney General personally sentenced all three (3) Jabronis to life in prison, to brawl until no brawl could continue - it was at this point that Steve Jobs testified against Martha Stewart in small claims court for infringing on his patent of The Personal Turkey Baster (patent pending) stating, under oath, "I can fit it so far up inside of me, so far, I think I hurt myself doing it, but it just goes so far, like, you know," - Martha Stewart was speechless, unnerved, but without response, she gazed at Steve (or, as she called him, Steven) for seventeen minutes straight as he explained the lore of Spy Girls (to be released) to the jury, who sat and listened to him speak at length, without pause, for those entire seventeen (17) minutes.  

After the release of the Apple iPod Touch 2G, Martha Stewart collected her wits, and sent Steve (to her, Steven) a personal letterhead requesting permission to use his The Personal Turkey Baster, inquiring, "Do you think I can fit it as far as you?" to which Steve (to her, Steven) responded by dying of an entirely preventable death by cancer.