x_I wish I was on the verge of death_x

Sometimes I would like to be on the verge of death so that my mother appreciates my value as the good daughter that I am. Mom likes Christian people and that's what I became. He also likes healthy people and that's what I became. Mom doesn't like to spend money on psychologists and that's why I control my hellish thoughts. I must always be mommy's good girl, I wish someone would adopt me and give me the life I deserve and I would offer fidelity to my master. But that only happens in the movies. What a pity for mine.