GOOD FUCKEN MORNING

After sleeping as soundly as an insomniac possibly can, I woke up at five this morning. I don't remember why I set my alarm so early, but I'm awake now, which leaves more time to pack.

I'm finally moving out after TEN YEARS of desperately wishing to. I used to beg god for some natural disaster to happen to force my family to move out of this place, for anything that could possibly happen, to happen, just so we could leave. I always thought this moment would be some big deal; I spit into their faces and leave, never looking back. Yet, I am looking back. In a way, I'm sort of shocked at my apprehension to go. I suppose that's human nature though, isn't it? Fear of change.

Moving out means I have to re-learn how to be a person. I have to find a job and lie to their faces about who I am. I'll be able to eat at my own dining table for the first time in many, many years.  I'm scared to be a real person. My life won't revolve around high school, I won't have to wake up to dance around people who hate me and my family, I won't have to worry about what I say around who...

That's all I have on that for now.

Until we meet again,

- J