perpetual exhaustion..

sooooo i have BPD :P which basically means i have no real personality 0.o i think that a lot of my friends would disagree and say but Z, youre so lively all the time!!! well that may be true, kind of- i talk a lot and im very intense.... but lately im finding that im also perpetually tired. im always wanting to curl up and bed and cuddle. i wonder if that makes me a person with a cuddly personality lol XD

sometimes i wonder if our culture becoming increasingly indoors-y has anything to do with it. i remember when i was really little and even up to a teenager, i would go to roleplay groups and art classes at my local library. i used to dream of hosting programs like that for little ones but mass shootings kind of scare me and now i dont go out as much..... maybe its just me lol :P anyways i feel like with teachers increasingly going on strike, more work from home stuff and more stem and tech jobs ppl r just not gonna go out to community spaces as much :(( fewer people will go to libraries and churches and stuff, and theyll just go to bars and clubs. makes me sad to think about >_< its like as the middle class disappears, so do community spaces........ the world is more and more like rich people and poor people only, and now the only spaces are home and work with little room for community stuff. its all about going out and getting drunk or taking pictures of your food.  

but maybe im being a little hypocritical... after all ive become something of a homebody myself since i graduated college especially. the world can just feel really scary even as a grown up. ive also wondered if maybe my mental illness is making me feel tired and lazy... or maybe ive become really addicted to cuddling my lovely husband so im always daydreaming about being in bed and napping XXXDDDD