Ashy

It's so damn strange, the way that you secretly hated me for NOT being jealous of you. You, the self-proclaimed "model citizen". The way that you seemed to think that I owed you some sort of reverence or seemed to think that I looked up to you (and that if I didn't that you thought that I should). How it seemed that you so badly wanted me to wish that I was more like you.... but I never did. I simply never did.

I never wished to look anything like you. Never desired to walk or talk or dress or behave like you. Never wanted your job. Never wanted my friend group to look more like your friend group. Always thought that your man despised you. Always thought that your sense of humor was awkward and bland. Was always a bit turned off by your endless humble-bragging. I noticed how you thought I was crazy for wholly loving myself; "of course she's lying, of course she hates herself, of course she wishes she could be more like me..." this was the sentiment that you allowed to let color the way that you'd speak to me. I could always hear the edge of arrogance and judgement in your voice. The way that you'd drop hints that you honestly felt that way, and that I wasn't just reading too deeply into things. The way that you had a meltdown and lashed out when I called you out on your bullshit and mind games. You can't unshow your hand once it's been shown.

That's cool and that's life. Things fall apart and people grow apart. But I did consider you a friend, despite the aspects of your personality that rubbed me wrong. I did truly care about you. But you made it clear that you absolutely did not value my friendship unless you could categorize me as someone that was envious of you.

That shit's weird and childish and for all of that ******, you can go fuck yourself.