On loneliness and mental health

I don't have any friends in real life. Just acquaintances.

And for good reason. My heart is very soft. I catch feelings easily. I get attached easily.

Now I have to avoid getting close to people.

Sometimes I just want to open my heart and share everything I feel, let it all out. But I can't do that with any random person. I need to know someone in order to be able to open up to them. I need to trust them.

But, chances are, if I can trust someone enough to tell them everything I think and feel, I'm probably on the way to catching feelings pretty soon.

That's dangerous.

I don't know if I'm normal.

I'm not insane. I'm just different.

People deal with loneliness differently.

Some will sleep around. Some will cry. Some will talk to someone. Some will work away all their free time to avoid feeling the void in their hearts. Some will drink and do drugs. Some will harm themselves.

I write.

You can be surrounded by a lot of people and still be lonely. You can be surrounded by a lot of admirers and still feel unloved.

An easy example is celebrities and "influencers". I've seen many people with thousands of fans and online "friends" who are still lonely. They still hurt inside. Even though they have so many people around them, those people aren't there for them. They have their own selfish agendas and motives.

Quality over quantity.

It's hard to find people who truly and genuinely care about you.

This world is a prison. We are bound to a life of pain and suffering.

I have to deal with it all internally. There's a lot of things that I can't share. It takes a lot of brainpower to combat the mental strain that comes with a life without a support system.

There is no escape. Alcohol, drugs, casual hookups, one night stands - these are all temporary solutions. They come with their own problems. One might think drinking away would ease their pain, but the relief will only last the night. The morning hangover will be accompanied by the knowledge that the pain remains underneath the surface. One would have to drink constantly to avoid feeling the pain.