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honestly hate myself right now. Im a idiot im retarded what ever you want to call it. why cant i just be normal in the head. Why cant i just make decisions like a normal person. Why do i take things to the extreme and push those close to me away and disregard their advice. Im just not nromal. Im bad at life im bad at friends im bad at relationships im bad at literally everything. Im fucked up in the head. I dont eat enough food. I dont really care about myself all that much. I think about killing myself alot. I dont think i ever would, but that thought still hangs around. Idk if thats bad or normal or not. I firgure most people probably think about that everyknow and then right? or am i really just that far gone. watever. Fuck. 

friday oct 28 2022

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Wed Jan 18 2023

So uhh i was looking back through my blogs and figured i would put this back to public after all. Sorry for the swearing n stuff i was in a really bad head space and i should not of said stuff like that :/ but i think its important to show what i was feeling. So yeah coming back to this a few months later I just want to say for anyone reading this, if you are feeling this way it will get better. We have ups and we have downs. Its good to talk to someone and tell them how you feel. It may not seem important but it will make you feel so much better and open up opportunities for you to get help. Also realize that sxicidal thots are not normal ok? And that seeking help dosnt make you weak or fragile, and haveing sxicidal thots doesnt make you a bad or crazy person either. Pls reach out to someone if you need help. You are luved ♡♡