10-26-22 ♡ league of lesbians, slow days and forgiving myself

I'm making it a practice to not lie to myself, and so I can honestly tell that there's a correlation between me beginning to use this online space more to document my life and my deteriorating mental health and self-confidence! It is embarrassing, but I think what I have left of who I am is talking.

Being in social media has sucked nowadays because it's finally hitting to me how lonely and boring my life can be compared to the best captured moments of the life of others. And I KNOW it's curated, fabricated, and I'll never know the complex, unique experiences of people that are not me, but my brain supersedes reason. 

At least I can tell myself that I am Diana League of Legends where I write and write and write in more formal, eloquent (?) ways because I'm in my own world and isolated from others versus my lesbian lover, Leona League of Legends, who is strong and smart too, but definitely is up-played in terms of academic intelligence because she is already a star child of higher class parents and loves the song and she's aware of this; this is why she fronts with very formal writing in letters to others but in her own diary, she writes in incomplete sentences and forgets to even put periods on her last sentences, as if she was typing!

Wowwee I'm a silly little fictional character who is a lesbian!

I seriously have to make an essay dissecting that short story because I genuinely love Rise With Me so much. It's a teenage prom romance but put in a fantasy setting...

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I failed and fucked up a lot today. It took 12:10 am to begin forgiving myself for it and I'm at least glad I am now. I have to remind myself that I do have a lot on my plate and that I really am struggling. Validating that there IS a problem and physicalizing it in any shape or form is the first step to fixing said problem! I don't think I could put myself to other's standards any longer and the environment I am in is not optimal! And I've been at it for over a year! 

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Recently, I've realized that I really am an introvert and it's nice to actually have an answer, even if it isn't gonna stay that way forever! Not that I hate people. I think the people around me are neat, it's just that I haven't had time for myself in forever! Like, things that are for ME and that I will only enjoy. Things that when I do them, they don't come tied with any added benefits but to make my funny self happy! I 

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It is never a waste to be kind╰(*´︶`*)╯♡