date, location and exact time (check 'time unknown' if unknown)

dry and inside, the storm has found its way inside of my body and mind. the crashing waves belonging to the twenty-minute-car-ride-away ocean can be heard within me, as my heart were to frequently pump water instead of blood. i can feel it swallow up my every organ as i can feel my blood thin through pinching myself 'alive'.

survival in my situation is quite an easy feat; i wake up tomorrow groggy, maybe to sunrise or the same old dark avenue, i go about my most mismanaged day the same as any other, and i find something washed up to hold on to with hopefulness until later discarded and forgotten. repeat.

but the truth is, i'm not good at invisioning what could or should lay ahead. the truth is: everything seems so hopeless to me. the scales of justice mother Venus had burned into my hands say 'I'm unstoppable', 'I can make anything happen', 'I'm determined', and i am! but i have a hard time believing the assurance when it really matters. 

picture: a lovely little scorpion tells you she has no intention to pinch your butt, she wants to take you places and show you things you'd never be able to comprehend, and you want to know everything she knows! but it comes with a fee of patience. it comes with the fee of going out into the storm and taking matters bigger than what you've been made for into your own hands. once the rain pours, you're all-scared to lose such oppurtunity—the oppurtunity you've waited for your whole life— and so you shiver. you shake.

you skip outside your home. a little too far off. the storm is still brewing inside and out. you spot a dark body of water. you wonder if you should step out and try it on for size. you know you're not the best swimmer, but the barrier between you and it would be just enough to put one leg up after the first and  throw  yourself  in. it would be a perfect way to complete the inside-storm and conquer all the anxiety, after all!

but, zoom . and it's gone. the storm still rages inside you. your thoughts swirl all beginning with doubt and ending with distrust. you want to take the little scorpion and crush it under your foot for this. you want to find that water again and go for a 'you call that a swim?'-swim. you want to be hopeless until the wind stops blowing and it all goes away.

but you can't believe that either. can you? because you know it isn't the case.