working in the closet.

For context, I'm trans ftm, and still in the closet. I have to go by my pre-transition name at work (I still live with my parents.) Because of this, I would doubt that I really am trans just because I don't experience crippling gender dysphoria for more than 5 minutes. Only for me to find out it's just me being closeted and distracted from that painful feeling.

I miss when I put some effort into my appearance. I had short hair and used to bind, but I can't handle binding anymore and my parents would talk me out of getting a haircut again. So I'm just a girl to every unsuspecting person, and it's excruciating. I'm now too scared to put effort into my expression in fear of being judged or outed. I'm aware that long hair don't mean anything, but when 10/10 people see me as a girl? I don't think it's worth it.