how i feel ; october 17th, 2022

VENT!!!!

idk, i feel like i have no respect for myself sometimes. its gotten to the point where i HAVE to sexualize myself at every given chance. ITS NOT AT ALL LIKE I WANT TO but i dont feel loved without it yk? i also rlly need to work on how to control my jealousy. like whenever i see him w another girl i just freak out and start crying, LIKE HUHHHH??? i mean, it does hurt my feelings and i feel super violated which isnt my fault. i just wish they would kinda respect boundries a little more? not entirely my partners fault but STILL. idk if this happens to anyone else but my menta lhealth is srsly declining; like im happy around my partner and friends but i just feel kinda violent all the time. i inherited my moms mental illness so yeah i think thats why :( im acc starting to see why my family says im like my mother??? kinda insulting knowing i wanna be nothing like her, shes absolutely horrible. THIS IS SO RANDOM BUT I LITERALLY HAVE A CRIPPLING P☆RN ADDICTION. i got rid of it for a while after my ex left but legit why did it come back. And why are relationships so complicated... ok back to the violent thoughts? basically it just comes to mind out of no where? its a constant urge istg. lowkey scared to tell someone bc ima be SENT AWAY. ahem but i dont actually know how i feel about anyone anymore, maybe im js attached fr fr