on impermanence and leaving friends

there's this small bookshop/cafe in my town that me and my old friends used to go to almost every day. so much of my time from the ages of 12-15 was spent with my friends in that bookshop, either downstairs playing with the stupid toys they sold, or upstairs eating warm cheese scones. 

today i was in town with my current friends, and i found out the bookshop is closing down. we went there to see if there were any good books (there never was and there still isn't), and it was such a strange feeling. i hadn't gone there in maybe a year since i distanced myself from those old friends, and it felt especially fitting that the last time i'll ever go there was with my new friends in the midst of a complete break-away from the old ones.

i'm a completely different person to who i was at 12, even 15 years old, despite that only being 2 years ago. my old friends are as well. we've all grown and changed so much, as you do in adolescence, and it's fair to say that i fucking hate them now. most of them, anyway. with one of them, we've just drifted apart very naturally - no qualms or scores to settle, we just say 'hi' if we see each other and otherwise live our separate lives. the other two, though, can fuck off.

this bookshop closing down is like your high school being demolished. so many memories were made there, but there's no evidence left. there's a line in the song "The Pattern" by The Narcissist Cookbook that i really love: "My high school was demolished when i was 17 / But a part of me is still walking down the corridors there." my bookshop is closing down whilst i am 17, but a part of me will always walk through there. this part of me that resides in the bookshop, that still loves these people i now hate and who's hair is long and name is different, will forever wander through there whilst i continue with my life. 

i believe in the universe. i believe in fate and destiny and 42. and i believe that this bookshop closing down will close the chapter of my life i so dearly wish to leave behind.