on hyperfixations and mental health

having debilitating anxiety and autism amongst other things sucks dont get me wrong; leaving my apartment can be one of the most terrifying parts of my day but there's something so beautiful about having a space where you feel safe enough to close your eyes for a moment. so often i find myself wishing i could just be neurotypical and 'normal' but then there are moments like earlier where i can see the beauty in the way my brain works

i feel safest when im alone in my apartment, but sitting on my couch curled up with a pillow on my shoulder while watching oneyplays videos is the closest ill ever feel to 'at peace.' i can let my eyes drift and the sense of comfort i feel is indescribable. People who dont get hyperfixations might find my enthusiasm annoying and obsessive but at the end of the day its like a warm blanket and its a beautiful feeling. call it cringe or wtv but when the bare minimum is a chore every day, its something thats garunteed waiting for me when i come home