Feeling Inadequate in March Rains

Feeling Inadequate in March Rains

March 9, 2022

New habits escaped my grasp

Routines make me run out of breath

As I gasp,

I realize my gait

like a newborn deer

will not support me.

I sprint through the forest;

twigs and pine needles crushed under foot

the only indication that I exist. 

I forgot… 

— despite the to do list that exist permanently on my phone —

to better myself.

□ Lose weight

□ Exercise 

□ Take pride in my appearance 

□ Live a life of my own

I always fall short of meeting goals

as I lounge around in 10-day old pajamas 

with uncombed hair.

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March 10, 2022

The landmarks of adulthood 

exist outside my grasp.

Siblings are either married

or taken,

long-term relationships merely mean two months of lukewarm affection for me;

while their relationships last for years

with love and support.

Children are discussed.

Children are born.

And I have no one.

I am single, childfree;

somebody nobody wants.

I'm isolated. 

What would my life have been like without a pandemic and distratous events?

I had plans to use my Senior year of undergrad

to see the landmarks of life.

To have relationships and friendships

To have a work and life balance

Instead I was met with a short semester

stuck in a dorm

No college sweetheart

No best friend

No job

No life

Life lesson #1: 

never put anything off

and never plan anything

because the best laid plans are subject to change outside of your control.

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