leadership and trauma

Last semester has ruined leadership for me.

The idea of groupings and the chance of me taking the reins of my group again is fucking with my head so much that my heart races at the mere thought of it. After all the stress, all the anxiety, and all the heartbreak, I just can't take it anymore. It was such a drain on the mind and heart that I couldn't even completely enjoy my break. Though, I'd disagree that this is me avoiding responsiblity. This is just me prioritizing my mental health because good god last semester was a nightmare. 

I wish this feeling would pass someday. Hopefully in the near future. I like being a leader despite my grievances with it. I can do it well. But it's only ever really good when your groupmates are just as good or better than you. Unfortunately, I didn't get that last semester. I'm hoping the odds would be in my favor this time. So far, it was and it wasn't. But, yeah, I just wanted to get this off my chest.