Failure

I have been lucky enough to be a bright student most of my life, and yet this year seems different. I know im struggling and yet I do things to try and help but I just can't help myself. I don't understand it? In moments like these I just stop trying. I can't I need to be perfect I must be above my understanding. This is all I have, my intelligence my one and only thing I have been able to control to keep to nuture. I cannot lose it now, not when Im so close to perfection to freedom. I will not let it go. It is all I have I have lost everything that was supposed to mine. I want it back, I need to leave to be free. I need to know more to predict the unpredictable to stop my failures to stop my pain. im sorry