!!VENT!!

I've been reminded of shitty things I did and so I ditched my friends out of shame (its not their fault) and I'm begging that they don't let me back, they've always let me come back everytime I ditch and I don't think they should, I've done it too much, they need to stop giving me chances but I also don't want to be alone, I need them to stay, I'm torn and don't know what to do, I feel like I don't deserve to be forgiven but I also can't stand being alone