my brain is so fried

just had a bad bout of very violent intrusive thoughts triggered by the smallest little thing and am feeling very blehhh =_= our Secret Soother Guy had to come in and help me relax once i'd calmed down enough to be near and he's still hovering around to make sure i dont freak again. im kinda annoyed at myself because i have such intense reactions to literally everything and it's a bit embarrassing because it's so impossible to explain without sounding absolutely batshit crazy. like oh ya someone did this totally normal okay thing to do at the Wrong Time and now my brain is filled with gore and violence and so many Wrong things and i need to sit here for 10 minutes completely still or else i'll scream and throw things! lol !

secret guy is picking up the chairs i knocked over in the front room while i'm typing this. uuugggghhh i feel so gross..