abandon your past before it imprisons you

omfg it's such a nice feeling every time i log in and no one has payed any attention to these... like i just posted on insta and as much as i try not to worry about how i'm being perceived there's a little smidgen of anxiety there, always. there's no way to put the context of... yourself... into everything you post, you know? [i say as i just stated how glad i am no one reads this]  idk i'm constantly over-explaining myself to make sure i'm never misunderstood...
and... once again i'm realizing the only thing that is really giving me this feeling is knowing [certain] people from my past can see what i post, judge it based on the me they knew ten years ago, and like, talk shit. bc that's all anyone does back home- there's nothing else for ppl with kids and no life to do [everyone who has actually chased their dreams and managed to evolve as people don't judge people this way]. and my family is just... that's the way they always have been- make fun of everyone for everything and never stop no matter how many times or how seriously the person asks you to.
i have to make myself not give a shit about being mocked by people who i have literally no connection with anymore... people who i've never looked up to or felt supported by... sometimes even people who i've realized are like... kinda not great human beings.

maybe it's time to say fuck it and just block people... like i don't necessarily have anything against any of these people [and half of them are family] but... idk. i don't get why they have to be in my life like that, before social media it would have been SO WEIRD at age 30 for everyone in your family and all your childhood friends to know all your interests and what you're doing all the time. and bc i live a VERY different life from what they consider normal for my age... i just feel like i'm being judged and probably mocked when they see my posts. bc i've seen them do it to other ppl. why wouldn't they do it to me?

OR am i just insane/self centered/anxiety-ridden/an idiot/whatever?? see. this is why trying to keep in touch with people from your past is an absolutely terrible idea.

xo