When the Worm Suffers....

To me, if Hell was a familiar place, it would be my college dorm room when I did a year of community college as an art major. I spent $1,500 a semester just to be cold as fuck on a brick they call a mattress. It didn't help that I got a roommate when I specifically asked not to get one, but only so much can be done when the dorm application is broken for 3 months, and when you ask 3 different people to help you, it gets fixed last minute. 

Anyways, my roommate wasn't an outright bitch or anything, it's just the little things in life that piss me off. She would leave her hair in the sink, and wipe weird shit on the faucet (Toothpaste? Skincare? I don't fucking know). Also, most people assume that turning the lights off means that we're going to bed, right? Apparently to her that means hide under the covers and talk to her boyfriend on Snapchat until midnight. 

By the time second semester rolled around, my roommate found an actual friend and moved in with her, leaving me to be cold, lonely, and mentally ill by myself. When I wasn't doing online classes or being told my art sucks, I was buying iced coffee with the money I was supposed to be saving, eating junk food because I didn't know how to buy groceries for myself (I still somewhat don't know how to do that), watching some short degenerate on Twitch.

If I could tell my generation anything right now, I would tell them that you do not need to go to college to impress your family or friends. Looking back at my decisions from the past 2 years, I realize that's what I did. I spend a good majority of my high school career not wanting to go to college due to stress and lack of money. I decided on a school last minute because I wanted to improve my art skills, make a weak attempt to keep the friends I made in high school by going to the same school as them, and I would rather eat a bowl of broken glass then live with my parents after high school graduation (this was before the divorce and the move, of course). 

As much as I listen to and worship Marilyn Manson, I need to follow his philosophy of not giving a fuck and just let everyone hate you. I think since moving and going out less, I've lost all the people skills I gained during my time in college. Ever since my mom's friend's son moved back in, my anxiety has risen, mostly because I used to crush on the guy hard, only to find out he's no Dan Avidan, he mostly reminds me of my bio dad. Who knew someone so handsome could talk so much out of their ass? But that's another shit talking post for another day. I'm sure everything will get better over time, or until my mom and my sister and I move in with my stepdad. 

Thank you for reading my shitty rant. There might be more to come, I'm not sure yet. Let's see how much traction and trouble this gets.

xoxo,

~Phantom.