Anna Nicole Smith Aspirations

Anna Nicole Smith is synonymous with gold digging. Her ample breast & platinum, peroxide drenched blonde hair created the gold digger standard. The stereotype.

    Anna Nicole Smith always defended her relationship with 89 year old J. Howard Marshall. A billionaire. Her defensive nature put the nail in the coffin in my opinion of a hefty inheritance. No one cared that she, if she was, after his money, but they made the opinion about her on her lack of concern for his well-being. “She could have at least cared about, if she didn’t love him” was the unspoken opinion. 

    Unspoken because everyone wanted what she had. Someone willing to spend large sums of money on them. A billionaire. It’s hard to be judgemental when you wish it was you. However, lest it was judgement derived from jealousy. 

    I wish I had Anna’s charisma and ambition. She was from a small rural town like me. Hers was Mexia, Texas. I grew up in Appalachia. We both grew up poor with government assistance. The only difference between me and her if you look past her addiction and teen pregnancy is she did something about it. And so what, if what she did wasn’t the feminist ideal of being independent. Even though she was — in my opinion, she was at the height of her career when she married J. Howard Marshall. She still wanted someone to look after her. 

    J. Howard Marshall gave that to her. Stability. 

While she went out to be a stripper in Houston, TX; I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of class and work. She was missing love; I am missing excitement. 

    She got “love” through money and I believe I can get excitement.

The travel,the houses, the never-ending shopping sprees. Most importantly, the ability to live life without worrying about paying bills on time or wondering when your next meal will be. 

    If it isn’t obvious, I grew up in a poor household that consisted of the worst poverty and food insecurity. 

I grew up in a trailer. An old, beaten down rust-filled tin box that didn't have heat in the winter. Kerosene heaters were our best friend. At least until kerosene became too expensive. Then blankets were the next best thing.

    I would love a rich man. Really I want someone who would actually care about me that happens to have money. 

But — my lack of relationship history and trauma caused by men makes that impossible. Those types of men want someone that would be good arm candy as well as add to the conversation intellectually. And I’m uncultured. Even though I tried to be. I would love to go to art galleries, see a Broadway play, or an opera. But I know that is never going to happen at my current mindset.

    I would need to put myself out there to get anywhere first. Just like Anna Nicole Smith.