This shit sucks

My life has started beating the shit out of me recently 😭

Ever since school started I haven’t felt the same. My mental health has progressively gotten worse and is becoming really difficult to deal with. I’ve been worried about being sent back to the psychward so I’m never completely honest with anyone. There’s only one person I talk to, but even talking to him hurts. I’ve had a crush on him for almost a year and he doesn’t/never will like me back. I’ve never felt this way for someone before but I have to just let it go. I also have been dealing with a couple bitchy teachers that everyone is sick of. They always start shit for no reason, so we all want to quit those classes. Literally everything around me is falling apart while I’m trying to hold it all together. That’s why I haven’t been online for a long time. I haven’t been very active on anything and I definitely haven’t really been talking to anyone outside of the internet. I need someone I legitimately like and want to be around that I know loves me and won’t leave, but I can’t find anyone that fits me.

Everyone has been asking me about prom after homecoming week started.

“Are you going to prom?”

“Who are you going to prom with?”

“What are you going to wear to prom?”

I’m not going. I’ve never been a party person and anytime I have a “party” it’s only a couple of really close people. Parties aren’t really my vibe anyway. I’d rather do something with me and my partner by ourselves (if I have one around that time). I’d rather go to the skatepark at night. Go to the park while it rains. Smoke in a cemetery. Go for a walk in the woods in the late afternoon or cuddle and watch a horror movie. I don’t want something big. Sometimes small things are better.