Losing a family member

My brother, Caleb, passed away at 11:20am on Sept. 19th, 2022. Surprisingly, I'm okay.

For a little bit of background, Caleb had Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD): a neuromuscular disease that prevented his body from producing dystrophin, which is important for building muscle proteins. He was born with this disease and had lived with it for his entire life. My family was very blessed because we were able to provide Caleb with so many things other boys and men with DMD may not have gotten.

Despite all of the things my family went through, Caleb was, and continues to be, the glue that kept us all together. 

Caleb first went to the hospital in March 2022 because his blood:oxygen levels were very low. His lungs had finally started to fail. From there, he had a tracheostomy and was relying on a ventilator to breathe for him. Caleb continued to move to other hospitals as he got better and finally ended up in a nursing facility. We got to visit him as often as possible and let him know that we were there for him.

Although he had started getting better, in the weeks before his passing, he started to decline again: he was losing his voice once more and needed to be put into hospice care. Hospice care is basically preparatory assistance to keep the patient comfortable until it's their time. The night before he passed, he had started to tank. His heart rate was going all over the place; he was sweating profusely, and he was going in and out of consciousness. Even so, he never stopped worrying about us and our well-being.

After a very long night of monitors going off and nurses coming in and out of the room, Caleb passed away. My mum, her boyfriend, my aunt, and a few other family members were there to help him feel comfortable as he moved on from this life.

Before his death, I always thought about that day in despair. I didn't want him to go, and I was so scared of what would happen to us as a family. He was my best friend, and I didn't want to lose him. Now that he's passed, I realise that we, as a family, were very lucky. It may not make it easier, and we are still gonna have bad days, but we had been preparing for this since Caleb's diagnosis. And it was doubled when he went to the hospital and the nursing facility. I no longer despair for Caleb. He's at peace wherever he is, and he's able to walk and talk and do all the things a 22-year-old should be able to do.

I had the privilege of being the last person Caleb talked to before he passed. He wasn't responsive, but I still wanted to talk to him, and he could still hear me. I think about that a lot now. I was the person who helped show him that it was okay to go. I told him that it'll suck, but we will be okay, and we will take care of each other. If it's his time, then none of us can stop him, but he shouldn't stop himself either. About an hour after that, he went, surrounded by his family and the knowledge that he was gonna be okay.

Caleb's death has brought this family closer together than we ever could've been. That's not to say he was keeping us apart because that couldn't be more wrong. I am extremely grateful for the time I was given with my big brother. He was my best friend and the most selfless man I've ever met.

To Caleb. One with the Force.

1999-2022