therapy

this is gonna be like a little rant about PTSD so read at your own risk i guess

I had therapy today and holy shit i didn't realize how much childhood trauma i have. i knew elementary school was bad for me since ive been bullied since 1st grade but shit, i didn't realize i was also bullied by teachers in 4th grade. for context i have anxiety so i love me some good old fidget toys, the teachers i guess thought i was too young to have anxiety and they would take away my fidget toys and yell at me for having them. my mom (bless her heart) was dragged to many many many parent teacher conferences just because without my fidgets i couldnt focus and they blamed her. i guess it makes me feel somewhat like a burden. anyways, those teachers i had in 4th grade would give me like triple the amount of homework as everyone else and with my anxiety being as bad as it is, i can't do a lot of simple tasks, its a challenge for real. the teachers would get so mad at me for not doing the hours worth of work mostly cause i didn't understand the work. needless to say, i am very glad i am no longer in 4th grade with those awful awful humans. but it's also playing out a lot now. ever since then i've had severe trust issues which lowkey kinda stinks. i wasn't able to trust my teachers and i have only had 2 teachers since then gain my trust. those teachers being my middle school choir teacher and my musical theatre teacher in high school. im in 11th grade now and healing from 4th grade is probs gonna take a really long time, i just hope time goes by quickly, i hate being miserable