I don't want to be here

we had a pep rally at school today I hated every second of it. when you are sitting in a room with your entire high school and still end up sitting alone it really puts your loneliness into perspective. my brain is making me think there's something going on with my bf like he's upset or angry with me about something and now im pushing harder and I can tell im annoying him so im just sitting here waiting for him to text me first cause I don't want to bother him. I haven't eaten any real food in 2 days now im not hungry but when I feel the slightest bit like I am I just either hit my Nic or eat a small piece of candy. I don't want to eat I don't deserve food.