i am sand

there was a world,

where i sat there forever and you never came.

and you never showed up.

and i smoked and i smoked my lungs away.

i sat there in the rain and i inhaled and i exhaled and i died and lived a thousand times and i played guitar and i sang and i danced naked and alone in a field with water up to my kneecaps so cold i turned black.

or there is the world where i was dead already, and i walked rotting away in the wind to find you and sob on you as i became sand

i belong on a beach

i am a beach

i have been weathered by the ocean but god and i know it is my home and that is where my heart is. and i said i would not write about my home or my heart but how could i stay away from the ocean.

i am sand now

i am sand

hold me in your palms and blow me out into the fisherman’s wind

the smell of salt and flesh as black powder spreads and fills the sky,

and falls into the ocean

my knees are blue,

almost black.

you still have not come.