vent

hi so my name is jax but i dobut that it matters verry much i dobut that anything i do or say matters verry much to anyone but this it may help me or somone out there probly not somone i know cause no one i know anymore is on here but any way 

to be honest im scared im scared of today and tmorrow im scared of growing into who everyone says i will become yes i may be my fathers child but im not him and i dont want to be him im scared of him and the memories i have of him im scared because each day i look more like him each day i handle my anger or emotins wrong and im told im just like him and i hate it i hate knowing that the more i try to be less like him the more i become more like him and i hate it i hate me i hate myself more each day but not because im like my father but because im also me i make stupid decsisions and mistakes i hate the mirror and anything reflective i hate how my thigs move when poked and i hate how i neve realy ever look masclune i hate my personalty and my body but the part i think i hate most is my mind the thoughts the way i think the intrusive thoughts every thing....