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I'm working on this adventure story and it will be done soon hopefully it would mean a lot to me if some people on here could check it out and give me some feedback on it :)
Here's the link:
https://www.wattpad.com/1118260199?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading_part_end&wp_uname=urmomlikesmen&wp_originator=%2BL63YbkSaUFMld9Vf7Y%2Bz0hrdCfjhmTdqkhkVgYlLLGc6UF2mnEaMqQCGEGGl%2Fe8jQmucGcn7ZfrZvhHoPXPiYKS1futx%2BxbnZA3IusK3aPacsC2iv27ZUzeSxu549%2Fs
my book I'm writing!
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CosyTea
I read the first part, pretty good so far! I like the internal dialogue the protagonist has when they zone out, it might be worth having things like that more often so we can get a more intimate look at the protagonist's thoughts about things (they don't need to zone out to do this, that's just an example I gave).
Also it might be worth breaking up the dialogue a bit with some actions inbetween, otherwise it becomes very "he said, she said, they said, he replied, she commented" etc. You could have a few lines of dialogue then have an action like "Mason seemed lost from the conversation for a moment, in awe at the sheer size of this seemingly ancient piece of architecture, then turned back towards the group.", and THEN you can have his line of dialogue saying "I agree with Vance, that shit's a fucking castle".
There's also some minor grammar and punctuation issues but that's not really a big deal, you can fix that at any time. Good work though, keep it up!
thank you so much for the feedback <3 I will definitely use this to better my writing style
by Alex; ; Report