A little something-

So uhhhh- I'm not Christian. I am an Atheist lacking contribution of belief to God. I don't believe in God often, but at rare times I do whenever I'm giving praise or advice. I know a lot about God and all that stuff, but I don't associate my life with it or make it my main religious belief because it was very stressful and traumatizing for me in the past.

An explanation for that? Well...

My dad's side of the family is religious into Christianity. And I used to go to one of my uncles' churches starting at age 10 until I was 12. But the constant stuff in it was very uninteresting and the singing doesn't help either as I feel like it's way too noisy whenever the Christian songs are sung. Don't get me wrong, I love singing. But it feels weird whenever it's Christianity related and I have to sing with all the others.
A traumatizing and scary moment happened in church. One of my aunts-in-law just fell onto the floor screaming some sort of gospel about a rapture and starts crying. I was frozen stiff when it happened and the people kneeling down and praying didn't help either because it just raised my annoyance and anxiety up more.
From then on, my older sister kept pushing me to go to church just so I won't end up killing myself when the "rapture" happens. And I only became suicidal and dissociated with life knowing that everything I do was associated with the Devil and permitting me to go to Hell. Worldly music, typical ways of speaking, and all that. I was tired of it and felt like dying just to contribute to the religion I never wanted to be in.
Because of this, I became hateful of Christian people until the pandemic happened. I was disrespectful towards my older sister for loving God so much and hyperfixating her whole life onto it. I was the one who said that Christianity was useless and will only ruin your life.
But when the pandemic came, I came to terms with my trauma and just left the topic alone so I could have peace with myself and be who I wanna be.

You see, the religious trauma I have, it doesn't excuse me for the rude disrespect I did towards my dad's side of the family. I'm supposed to choose what I want to believe for myself, but I also have to respect others' choices too.
I'm not Christian. I am an Atheist. But I'll gladly contribute to Christianity if needed because everyone who believes in it deserves some love too. :)