vent shit or whatever I don't fucking know

I was just a kid. Why did I act so grown? What was wrong with me? What was I doing? Why did I waste my whole childhood? I'm so fucking upset with myself. Why can't I turn my sadness into anger and use it for something? Am I so fucking worthless that I just lay here and write about the shitty stuff that goes on in my life? Why can't I write music or some other shit that would contribute to my life before I fucking kill myself? Why can't I do anything? 

Why did my parents even have me? They clearly couldn't take care of a fucking child. As soon as they couldn't take it anymore, they handed me over to my grandparents, who then gave me to my great aunt and uncle. I faced mental abuse at that house for NINE years, and then sexual abuse for two years. All my parents have done for me is occasionally buy me stuff and give me extensive knowledge on drugs. Stupid fucking drug addict parents had sex and then gave me the worst fucking life I could've (and didn't) ask for. 

But I guess it's better now. I live in a better house, but my aunt and uncle fight a lot. Maybe it's because of my fucked-up mind but I don't feel any better than with my other aunt and uncle.