a poem i wrote

Feelings (9/7/22)

Sometimes, i don’t know my own feelings

Maybe it’s a lack of understanding

Or my constant demanding to know

What i’m feeling all the time

I feel so many things at once that i feeling like i'm drowning

Stuck, in an overwhelming pool of emotions that i don't get

I push down the words that get stuck in my throat

And a flood of regret washes over me later

I think im confused

Though saying that makes me feel worse

I'm unsure of who i am while also fighting for control of my own life

I don't know who i am

And i think thats whats most confusing

I feel like others know me better than me

I go along with what other people say

And change when im with someone else

It’s tiring

Im one person one minute, then the next is a gamble

Will i be quiet and shy or loud and obnoxious ?

Im unsure, even i don't know who i’ll choose to pretend to be next

I think im starting to ramble

I want to be monotone yet full of colour

But i can never find the right blend of both

And it makes me hate these feeling

Because i don't understand them