How being lesbian ruined my life | warning mentions of homophobia and religious trauma

OK, So I don't know where to start with this, but to get a basic understanding, I live in a Catholic Nigerian household, and if anyone knows what that's life, you know it's STRICT. 

If I were to explain all the trauma and other things I experienced in my childhood this story would be WAYYY too long, so I will just skip to the most important parts.

I first remember learning about what it means to be "gay" when I was about 8. My grandma was taking me to school and I had asked her: "Grandma, what does gay mean?". Immediately she responded, they are people who will be sent to hell, never become one of them. Confused, I had wondered what made being "gay" such big of a crime.

Later on in life, I had also heard my dad speaking ill about gay people. So, it was obvious, being gay was a crime worse than anything else. What was so wrong about liking the same gender? I honestly didn't know. But was there something very wrong with it. Yes.

The only problem with all this was, I liked girls.

I remember being around 9 and admiring the face of my best friend who was a girl often. I thought she was pretty and that we could even be married, but it would never happen. It could never happen, we were both girls after all.

At a young age I remember taking those "Are you gay tests?" and suddenly seeing these girls in bikinis that were oddly attractive. It scared me, I couldn't like girls.

As I entered my teens it became obvious I couldn't just ignore my feelings. I finally came to terms with me liking girls. At first I thought I was bisexual, but after realizing I didn't like men at all, I finally realized I was lesbian. It was SCARY at first, but the longer I identified as it the more comfortable it got.

Ok, great. Now I knew what I was, so it was time to explore a sexuality I had suppressed for so long. I would write diary entries in my journal every day, some just cute little entries about girls I liked. Others VERY sexual, and even evidence of suppressed trauma. I even got a secret girlfriend who I wrote about often in the diary.

What matters was that only I could see it. But that changed one day.

So, one day, it was all found. My parents went on my computer and found EVERYTHING I was hiding. They broke my phone cause of it and tracked all other devices. Along with that they also went into my diary. I was heartbroken, I didn't know If I could trust them again.

I still remember my dad yelling at me: "SHAME ON YOU" and "YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THE FAMILY" and "WHAT IF THIS GOT OUT TO THE PUBLIC" while threatening to disown me, along with my mother tearing up.

I felt sick and miserable. Was this what my grandma was talking about when I asked her what gay meant? Did I really deserve this just for liking girls?

It's been more than a year later and I am fine. I assume my parents choose to forget what happened then. However I still harbor the same emotions from those times to this day.

I plan on cutting them off when I'm older, but that will be for later me to decide.

I hope whoever read this got something from this, but byeee :)