mary's letter

in my restless dreams. i see that town. silent hill. you promised to take me there again someday. but you never did. well im alone there now… in our special place… waiting for you... waiting for you to come to see me. but you never do. so i wait. wrapped in my cocoon of pain and loneliness. i know ive done a terrible thing to you. something youll never forgive me for. i wish i could change that. but i cant. i feel so pathetic and ugly laying here. waiting for you. every day i stare up at the cracks in the ceiling. and all i can think about is how unfair it all is. the doctor came today. he told me i could go home for a short stay. its not that i am getting better. its just that this could be my last chance. i think you know what i mean… even so.. i am glad to be coming home. ive missed you terribly. but i am afraid. james. i am afraid you dont really want me to come home. every time you come to see me, i can tell how hard it is on you. i dont know if you hate me or pity me. or maybe i just disgust you. i am sorry about that. when i first learned i was going to die. i just didnt want to accept it. i was so angry all the time. i struck out every one i loved most – especially you james. thats why i understand if you do hate me. i want you to know this james… ill always love you. even thought our life together had to end like this. i still wouldnt trade it for the world. we had some wonderful years together. well this letter has gone on too long. so ill say goodbye. i told the nurse to give this to you after i am gone. that means that as you read this… i am already dead. i cant tell you to remember me, but i cant bear for you to forget me. these last few years since i became ill… i am so sorry for what i did to you. did to us. youve given me so much and i havent been able to return a single thing. thats why i want you to live for yourself now do whats best you, james.. james… you made me happy.