Rants Part 1

I'm gonna edit this blogpost each time that I want to rant about something. This could get very lengthy as well as have many many triggers. I might try to put some kind of warning before each rant but who knows so read at your own risk. 

9/9/2022: (TW: depression and just all the bads) oh boy do I have many many things to rant about but not enough time or patience to type it all so I'll just start with this. I really hate being me and am incredibly depressed. Everything is fucked. Job is shitty, I'm disabled and I'm fairly sure I'm autistic, I have insanely bad social anxiety, I'm ugly as fuck, I've been isolated most of my life and have a VERY EXTENSIVE list of trauma that everyone just seems to shrug off and say I'm faking, I have an extremely hard time expressing emotions through words and physically, I can never really reach out to anyone without just causing them to become depressed too or simply because they won't actually listen or even be of any help, my talents are fucking wasted due to the intense anxiety I feel every waking moment, everyone I ever cared about either died, is dying, turned around and hurt me, or I accidentally hurt them against my will. Shits fucked. I literally can't think of anything positive anymore without it being completely covered in negative effects. Every good experience I've ever felt caused me more pain than it was worth and every bad experience fucked me up so badly. I don't think I've ever had a genuine experience with another person ever unless it was them doing harm to me.