Therapy Day: Aftermath

I don't usually talk about my experiences with therapy but I've found myself an excellent therapist that has been more than kind, compassionate, and open minded with me about a lot of the issues I face and am confronting from my childhood and my adulthood trauma experiences. It's rough, and can be at times a completely spoon-stealing, soul-crushingly draining experience.

I won't go into the personal details of this, but I will state for the record that I am present though I am quiet much of the time. I've always been the observant type of person, only speaking when I feel like my words and my thoughts will make an impactful difference. I don't mean to be quiet all the time, but growing up with all that I had lived through, it becomes a survival tactic and natural response to being around new people that I'm still getting to know and adjusting to.

I've always been especially fluid with adapting to new environments and around new crowds of folks. But in recent years I've found myself more drained by adapting than I am to just being in the moment and listening to what is being said and reading between the lines. I am not what you may call a confrontational person, if I have something important to say, I generally say it, but if I see someone in need of advice or I know something that I feel like they might gain something from whether it's a tid bit of knowledge, or some technique I learned that I wish to share, I don't mind conversing or sharing what I know.

I am what personality tests say is an INFP. In case your curious what that means and to test what yours is, here. [Link] I'm generally very careful on who I spend a lot of time with because there are some people that can be especially draining on my social spoons, and I know it's not entirely their fault, or my own. I just don't have the right kind of tools set internally to handle highly energetic personalities. I will likely be spending the next couple days recouping from therapy today, a lot was discussed that needed touched on and some of it was pretty well buried for a long time. I think one of my alter personalities decided to front for a bit to talk to my therapist, which I don't mind, just wish they would let me know ahead of time when they decide to do that. He'd noticed the switch though, not that I have any control over it, so I guess he figured it wasn't just me as the core self talking, but one of my alters stepping forward in trust.

Just to mention I do have DID, this condition is a result of years upon years of childhood trauma and later adulthood trauma that I'm slowly peeling back and cleansing/working through a bit at a time to heal the damage done to me. There's six of us, personality wise. Each of us have different roles, different jobs internally to keep my core self, me, safe. They will speak I'm sure when they feel ready and comfortable to do so. For the most part they mask as myself, like autistic/adhd masking does to fit in a neuro-typical world, except for us, it's a survival tactic to get through tough emotional issues and stressful situations. I can fill in more information about this if anyone is curious I don't mind talking about my mental health conditions or disorders that I live with. It's something that I feel that people should talk about more, not just the bad cases, but the good cases too.