Part 2. America isn't Hollywood. Never believe in the movies.

Here are some questions people are asking about how life is in the U.S. and why I won't quit SSI. I do hope this answers all your questions.
People have asked me several times why I won't quit SSI.
Why should I quit? I started this whole journey in 2020 and look at the date now. That seems super futile to do so. I also have 0 options for housing. Some people don't understand the severity rate of the abuse in the U.S. Here are a few examples about housing. Nobody can't pay your rent. My dad got denied by 5 low income apartments. The reason? All the managers told my dad that I've to have some kind of government funding income or at least a payment job stub. Second reason is that I've been in Section 8 housing since I was 21. I was number 10k then and I'm still at 7k now at the age of 29. So by the looks of things I won't get Section 8 housing till I'm 40-50 years old and probably my dad will be dead by then he would be 70-80 years old then. I can't wait for that. Even if I work part time 25 hours a week because of my overstimulation, nobody can't live off of that even as a single person or a single person with 1 kid. Impossible with the extreme economic crisis we're in right now. So what this means is if you're not on government income by SSI or Section 8 housing that means you won't have a place to live. Working part time 25 hours a week will not support everything you need in a low income apartment. A low income apartment looks how much you make on a SSI check or Section 8 house and then you will get the price of your rent. Basically a low income apartment means deducted rent because you can't afford to live in a regular apartment. Most regular apartments depending on location and the size of the apartment are $1,000-1,800. Some apartments you will get charged $25 for a pet fee added on your rent. Depending on the apartment complex you will be charged $350-450 of a ONE TIME payment monthly for a pet. I can understand the reasoning behind this because there are some people that shouldn't own pets that shouldn't belong in an apartment. Because what people don't understand is pet damage rather than pee or pet destruction of the apartment, probably cost thousands and thousands of dollars to repair. However, do you get a washing machine and dryer in low income apartments? Some do and some don't. I'm not planning on living in a place where there isn't a plug to hook up a washer and a dryer. Why? Because I air dry all of my son's pants/joggers/shirts and I air dry my leggings and shirts etc. Normally undergarments and towels etc go in the dryer. The only shirts I put in the dryer are old t-shirts because my hair is too long to put in towel hair wraps. So you know what this means right? I won't have anyone that can help me take all my clothes back to my apartment number building. That is a lot of clothes to haul off etc. So that is the only thing I will be. How many cats can you've in an apartment? This doesn't matter what kind of apartment you're in, most places will let you've 2 cats or a dog. But let's say you want a Betta Fish or a Hamster? Well you can have one because unless your house is going through an inspection the rent owners won't even know what is going on in the first place. What I would do if I knew a house inspection was going on I would find someone to watch my hamster or my fish and they will never know. I'm not sure if apartments do yearly inspections or not. I've not fully researched this. I do know some apartments, whether they are regular or not, will ask what kind of breed your cat or dog is. I think they ask this because certain breeds aren't allowed in apartments. You would've to research this as my knowledge isn't vast on this one. I wonder if you need all their shot records as well. I don't know if I will get another cat in my low income apartment because Jill seems like any normal animal very selective on who she likes and I hate for her to be stressed out because of that etc. Do low income apartments pay for any bills? Most pay for sewage and stuff like that. I've never heard of an apartment complex with low or regular income to pay for internet/electric bills. I'm unsure of the water bill however but I highly doubt that.

I would not recommend you living with a person if a person has a full time job and you're just living off of SSI with a part time job in the U.S. Why? Because the government now will not + no longer let you freeload off of your roommate and not them. A dear friend of mine also told me when she was getting food stamps and I will not publicly say why she has SSI because it's none of your business she said that when she tried applying for Food Stamps the company asked FOR EVERYONE'S INCOME. This is because of many several years of severe abuse about people lying about 0 income to freeload. This is why I got denied Medicaid several times because the government thought my dad could pay for my medical bills. Also you've to pay money to be added on someone's insurance like Blue Cross/Blue Shield and my dad isn't down for that. But yeah if you plan on living with someone with SSI and Merica that won't work you will have to be living beside them or nearby because you will be asked ALL SOURCES OF INCOME. ALL. EVERYTHING. I still remember when Workforce when I went to go apply for a caseworker because of my Autism the people there flat out told me we're sorry we won't read your medical documentations because there is no electronic signature * I forgot to print that out on my PDF file of what Tri County has sent me for my psychology exam. So that's how bad the U.S. has become. She just flat out rejected the start of the application. She finally let me do the application once I brought the correct papers. So for foreign people don't believe in movies that think America is full of lavish luxuries, riches and glorious treatment. That's why I never saw any movies about America. There is nothing good about a movie glamming up America to make foreign people live here/get murdered/kidnapped on smuggling trucks. This might seem racist but America doesn't want you here anymore. You can't have 10-15 babies and expect to get Welfare for each child. I've done some deep research and now the government provides for two kids. If you want freedom this isn't the place to be. You also the GOVERNMENT WILL SNIFF YOU OUT NOW IF THEY SENSE YOU'RE FAKING SOMETHING TO GET free benefits or anything like that is related to government beneficial help. I remember filling out my SSI paper the first time in 2020 IN BIG BOLD LETTERS the letter said something very similar to this as I don't know every single word to word thing. IF YOU GET CAUGHT falsifying false information you will face fines and criminal charges. The government will find you. So if anyone believes that you can lie in front of the government face you've no idea how bad security is here now. So if you think you're free to waltz in America to be handed free benefits. Sorry that's how things work here anymore. Just letting you know as well I understand poor white trash is also the reason for government abuse however I'm just saying that the very first root of abuse was people trying to get as much money as the mother could if she had 10-15 kids. Women were buying luxury bags and other items as well. I never saw this in my life until this year this Hispanic woman was asking a Walmart cashier if she could lower the price of the item so she could pay for it. The lady was like no I can't do that and looked very upset. This is why movies should never glamorize America as the place where foreign dreams come true. You can no longer have 10-15 kids to support your life without working/;I'm off of your Welfare, you can no longer fake a mental illness, you can no longer fake a physical disability and all that applies with the Workforce as well. I probably will be branded as a racist now but I'm just stating the harsh facts of reality that movies don't portray about America and that's all. I'm just giving people ideas if their dream is to be with their friend in the U.S. and lover. Faking a mental illness will no longer work with Fort Knox security. You will be forced to work part time and full time. There are no other options. Basically where and what I'm getting at you can no longer fake mental illness here in the U.S. if you have 0 disability you will be forced to work.

Last reason is so many people have suffered the many traumas of abuse by SSI. Like you read on my post that goes with this sentence. I feel a sense of duty now for all that suffered in their lives because there was no other way for them. I will carry this pain with me and I will not quit. I'll take all the souls of the damned with me that chose the easy route because of being judged or denied getting help. I want to show my resolve that I will not quit. Also does a person of the demon rank quit their mission? I think not. No demon rank doesn't matter how high or low the rank is no demon rank class. If you can't see your mission without true faith of the demonious then you lied to the very court/pillars that you will carry their belief through and through with pure resolve and faith. Just know that this will not end. The reptilians brought this judgement on themselves. This is war and I won't see things until the end is finished. The disrespect was so bad sometimes I can't stop thinking of the disrespect I received. I know I should let things go. Morally that would be correct. But sometimes stuff is just so stupid you just can't. Also this is a battle that started in 2020 this isn't over and will not be over.

And for people reading this now of course my blogs. I just don't say that because my sister is on Instagram so I try to keep as little to none information about rants that I must include my sister in or my dad. My dad is only on FB. Anyways people are shocked I'm going through this and how many loops I'm going through. You know why SSI is making me do this? Delay tactic. SSI is trying to find all kinds of excuses so that way SSI doesn't have to pay me a monthly check. There is no reason to send me to a psychologist. But after my dead mother was insulted besides my Autism that was all she wrote on that one. SSI did their own grave on that one lol. I wonder how many mothers that are 100 percent healthy and somehow their child ends up with a birth complication how many times she got asked if she was a substance abuser. The issue with this is people might not see this as a very ultra sensitive question to ask but what makes that ultra sensitive is just because a mother had a child with 0 birth defects or a learning disability and decides to have another one a few years later which somehow has a birth defect doesn't make you automatically assume okay so this time around she used substances. No, what you should ask is did you smoke or drink during any uses through both pregnancies. Not just jump the gun and say was your mom a substance abuser? I have never been that disrespected in my life. I've a hard time believing that the doctors were trying to say that my issues were because of substance abuse. The reason why I say I find this hard to believe is because the examiner made a split second right after my dad had said how my sister that is a few years apart was healthy and just thought of asking about substance abuse with me. Maybe she wanted a chain reaction with me or something. Just because we don't know where my Autism comes from, just because I had my cord wrapped around my neck 3 times and everything else you read on this blog doesn't mean you point the blame at my dead mother. I understand that doctors are extremely frustrated when they can't solve the main root of origin of where I got my Autism from. What people don't understand are several things. You already know about my dad's mom and what he has let me know about her strange behavioral patterns, here is some information according to my mom she told me her dad was a donor and wasn't part of her life, I'm not sure if I said this or not but my dad's dad left his mother with six kids and was never involved with their life he just left + that means we've 0 information about anything about the dads on the family, The only thing we know about my ancestors is that they came on a boat from Europe and nobody in the whole entire family has gotten a psychological evaluation on them. Why is this? Because nobody in my family has heard of the term Autism way back in ancient times. Dumb asses LMAO. But more importantly for people reading this I will never quit SSI. Not after the level of disrespect I've received by the government etc.

How is your dad treating you and your ex aunt and the other aunts? The same as ever.

He told me he doesn't understand why I've to wear athletic sneakers to my interview because my sandals that I've are 2 and a half years old and not in good shape. I go, I don't have anything else. He goes what about those flats? I said we donated those because I couldn't walk in them properly. My aunt was trying to find me nice shoes I could wear when I was doing split custody many moons ago. I told her I couldn't walk in them when I tried them on and tried walking. She goes you've to wear them because you're not wearing a nice pair of sandals. I really wanted to tell her there is nothing wrong with a nice pair of light blue jeans and not dark with a pair of cute brown sandals and a dressy top or blouse. So keep in mind this was several years ago and I really mean this. Like SEVERAL. So while I was going to the court house the flat slip on shoes kept going back and forth off my ankle and my foot and when I got home I had about 3 or 4 cuts on the back on my foot and a small bruise on my ankle. So back on the topic so when my dad said that after the part of the argument he said this. He goes you really need to learn how to pick up your feet off the floor if you drag your feet on the floor if you're having problems with dragging your feet and you need to try raising your leg more (okay I should've told my dad this but I was already getting pissed off, anyways my DAD SEES HOW I WALK EVERY SINGLE DAY and he knows my condition on how I walk etc) then why the fuck you need to tell me that when I had an unbalanced gait issue all my life? But anyways yes for the readers reading this you did read this correctly my aunt the one that does bible studies bought me shoes that I couldn't wear and I told her that I couldn't walk in them. YET she denied me trying on a nice pair of sandals at a store we were out and I could find some that I could walk in easier. She flat out told me no, we've buying these. But yeah I was in pain walking to the court area. I could feel the flats just starting to cut at the back of my foot and ankle. It was so painful. But my dad is like you look so pretty in them and I'm like and? You don't understand how bad I couldn't walk in those. He seemed to have 0 cares once so ever. He also told me in the car that he will not buy me slacks. I can pay for them because I got money saved up in my bank for my low income apartment for things like furnishings and stuff like that . So if my aunt gets mad at me Thursday July 3 about my black skinny jeans I will say this. I don't own anything else but a solid pair of black leggings that have 0 prints. She is probably going to say well can't your dad pay for new interview clothes? I will say no my dad expects me to pay for them because he says he has to pay his bills. I'm sure she is going to say something about my black Adidas sneakers that have a leopard border on the tongue of the shoe and have white soles. She is probably going to say well I don't know why you're not wearing flats I bought you and I'm going to say I can't walk in them with my foot problem and my unbalanced gait/the flats provide zero comfort once so ever on my feet and they cut on the back of my feet and my ankles had a bruise. I simply couldn't walk in them and you don't understand how painful that was for me to walk in them etc. If she wants to get an attitude with me I'm just going to ignore her because I'm not going to listen to her bitch on the way I dress when it's not my fucking fault. I don't get why my dad and his sister have 0 clue of understanding that I need arch support on my feet and the only way I can wear sandals is if there is a back strap to the sandal. Because if the sandal just has a foot strap across the foot the sandal will flop back and forth as I walk. I need support in the arch of my foot and I need support in my ankles either by sandals that have a strap on the back or sneakers. I'm sure my aunt will probably say you need to train your feet to be better. I'm going to say look I've a neurological problem that I recently found out this year called Foot Drop you need to research it because when you Google it you will see that Foot Drop is a neurological condition where muscle weakness is one of the signs, you drag your feet on the floor and sometimes you raise your leg high enough so you won't trip. But I swear if anything comes out of her mouth on August 3 I'm not going to deal with that crap. Also you want to know what else I listen to sometimes? My dad ever so often will say I can't believe you wear mini backpacks when you shop. You look so tacky. I told my dad you do understand right there are many people in grocery stores that wear mini backpacks correct? If those weren't in style then many companies wouldn't be making mini backpacks. My dad didn't even say anything to that conversation and was silent. Either my dad had a no comment or he couldn't counter a response with what I said. But seriously? I just have a Fila backpack that's purple with abstract chevron print? I don't see a problem in this at all. But yeah anyways I wonder what Devon will say to my attire when I see him today August 3rd. If he says anything I want to say my dad doesn't have money to buy me new outfits for interviews he has to pay bills. Many people are making such a big deal over my outfit, mainly my dad and I'm sure my aunt will as well. I don't see anything wrong with my outfit and I could be dressed ten times worse etc. At least I'm not dressed like a slum or a sewer rat. My dad also told me I need to look awake and have a fresh state of mind. I really wanted to say uh what are you talking about? I look naturally sleepy even though I'm 100 percent rested. He was like also keep your back straight and I'm like? I love how my dad says to keep a positive mental attitude when I'm constantly blamed for my problems. Yeah I understand none of the words I've stated have used the word ''it's your fault'' but they obviously make hints about it without using the word in a sentence so even if it's metaphorically hidden it's the same thing etc. That's kind of like when I didn't tell anyone in my family about my life goal till I was 26 years old. I'm not sure if this is in my older blogs or not but I think what held me back on all my life is fear of rejection which one of my 3 aunts did reject me. My dad and his two sisters just said okay and my sister and her husband were very excited for me. I guess in the end I was just paranoid.
So I figure I give you this to understand why I'm living in my dad's house and why I've not moved out.
You will have to read more on my blogs etc. Because the answer will be there well and more detailed. So right now I've been dealing with SSI since June sometime of 2020 however due the U.S. health umbrella the place where I went to go apply to didn't accept my application till November due to the place wouldn't see anyone until November because of the government health ordinance said so. So get this I gave SSI my Tri County behavioral and mental health papers I took in 2020, then in 2021 SSI assigned me to one of their doctors in June of 2020 for another IQ exam and behavioral and mental health exam like the one I did take 2020 that wasn't SSI related but it was related to see if I get a caseworker. I got denied in November sometime in 2021 saying that due to my limited mental disability and physical disability I can find limited full time work'' I denied this statement with a second appeal and I wrote a 4 page essay of why I denied their claim. Then this July the SSI place is making me take another mental exam. THIS IS THE THIRD ONE! the THIRD ONE! I don't know if this place thinks either A I'm insane/need further testing B I'm faking/being overdramatic or C they enjoy this kind of torture. My friend online called Rebecca. I call her Becca for short. She has been on SSI for several years because physically she can't work and she has never seen SSI ever do this to someone before.
Adaptive behavior disorder
Autism
Borderline intellectual disorder (my IQ was a 79 or 81 one of the two because I couldn't do anything above 8th grade for comprehension. I do know I bombed the 8th grade math part and I also bombed higher grade memory patterns) also my caseworker Devon says that I was also being tested on how fast I solve the problems. My dad still disagrees till this very day since I did take my 2020 exam with Tri County that my IQ is wrong. I don't really agree with my dad because if I can't do anything above high school knowledge in school then I deserved the IQ I've gotten by my examiner. If my dad thinks I should've gotten an IQ score of 90 or 100 he really needs a reality check. Those are for people that can solve high school math problems and comprehension quickly. Someone that can only do around 7-8 grade work shouldn't deserve a high IQ for academic scoring.
My overall mental state is a 47. A normal person's brain functions at 70 +
MDD
PTSD * from all the abuse as a kid and a teen. Severe psychological and emotional abuse.
I didn't state this in my psyche exam because I didn't want to be locked up in a farm. But I think I've had an identity crisis from seeing a lot of doctors as a kid telling me ''nothing else is wrong with you, you just have ADD. I didn't tell Tri County this cause I didn't want to be locked in a loony bin. They also asked if they could read my spiritual writings and I said no they're not for you to read they're personal. Nothing happened when I said that the person went on to the next question of the psyche exam.
I also got told I've a blunted affect. Which means you barely show emotion in your face and you're very hard to read. This is not the same as flat affect because that means you're emotionless in your face. According to high research monotone voice/blunted affect is highly common in people that have Autism etc. Also I do make hand gestures when I talk sometimes and I've no idea why.
I understand SSI is a nightmare. I will hire a disability lawyer if they keep denying me. My dad can't pay for my rent. He called 5 low income apartments and all the managers there said no, your daughter must have a SSI or a job payment stub in her name to pay for rent. Even if I work 25 hours a week I can't afford to live on my own with a son. The Workforce is a place that helps the disabled mental and physically to find work. You've to qualify to get in first. They will not accept anyone. The security is ultra tight. I've more in my blogs etc but there was a worker there that wouldn't read my paper from Tri County (behavioral and mental health center paper because I forgot the electronic doctor's signature so I had to go back on my PDF file and print out my doctors name etc) I can believe how brutal security is now days. Well the U.S. is one of the highest states to be abused for free government. Not racist but proven facts a lot of immigrants were faking mental health reasons to buy luxury cars and purses etc. I'm just stating facts and hope you don't think I'm racist. Anyways the lady at the Workforce office told me and my dad no I won't read your paper until you bring back the electronic signature.
Mentally, spiritually and physically I don't want to work full time. I value my energy, In all forms. Some people want to work themselves till exhaustion. I've no desire to live a life like that. Not because I'm lazy. Mentally my stability is decent and not someone with nerves of steel. My sister and my son don't have these conditions like 0. My sis just has M.S.
Oh yeah this is how tight U.S. security has gotten/another example.
But yeah one of my friends I talk to she is on SSI because she has a lot of health issues like physical why she can't work but she told me food stamps now the company will ask for everyone's income in the house everyone. But yeah on the statement I made, yes it is true Workforce wouldn't read my mental health report because the doctor's electronic signature wasn't on there. She was like we're sorry we can't accept this paper because there is no electronic signature. So my dad has to drive me back home so I can log into my PDF file and print it out so they can read it and see if I approved. I approved because of Autism. How do I know this? My PDF file I've from Workforce shows the box that was checked off on how I qualified.

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