Cthulhu please have mercy on me or the Elder Gods. Part 1.

This all happened on July 30th of 2020. For people wondering I'm on my second appeal right now because I got denied last year in November. I've been dealing with trying to get some kind of housing income since 2020. Since there is only a few months left out of this year and also I still have 0 benefits.
I had enough. So my dad had to take a 40 minute trip to an SSI appointment. But the nerve of this was because the mental exam was to see if everything was up to date with my claim and how do I know this information? A few reasons and I did reread my SSI paper that was mailed to me for the reasoning and date/time of my appointment: and the second reason is because the lady that was asking the questions on the exam also brought up this statement. We're sorry that we're asking similar questions and that we're making sure the SSI claim of your condition is still up to date. Plus that also adds on this stupid shit show and the paper also said the reason for going was because the company said that they need more information on my condition. How the living fuck do you need more information about my mental health condition? Are you serious? You really think I woke up one day and my Autism is gone? So from last year's appointment from SSI in June till now the place thought my illness has gotten better/or gone? Seriously? Then the person that was asking me the same questions made another question that said this and really struck a nerve when she asked this very nerve striking question. How is my mental illness still affecting me? She also had the nerve to ask why I'm still depressed when SSI knows I was diagnosed in 2020 that I've MDD w/o which means without Schizophrenia/psychosis. That doesn't help that my mind was filled with these thoughts as well. Excuse me? My Autism is still here and never left. I don’t understand why doctors think Autism will one day leave the body or one day you will wake up from your bed and Autistic free. Sorry doctors but reality doesn't work that way and I don’t think people with Autism will wake up being free from no matter how much sleep she or he gets. I wonder what else doctors will try for Autism? Sleep aid next? Exorcism? For the sweet mercy of Cthulhu. I’m still so upset that my dad has to drive 40 minutes just to make sure what SSI had on file was up to date. Why couldn't the people call instead if that were the case? Maybe the reptilians had to make sure I wasn't being a fake. I’m sure I’ll just get denied the second time and hire a free disability lawyer because I guess the SSI place expects that my Autism will one day escape me or anyone that has Autism. I'm sure when I do get SSI I'm sure the company is going to ask every few years if I'm still Autistic + also metaphorically hinting how my mental illness is still affecting me, somehow and magically my Autism apparently should go away on its own etc haha. At least that's what I was getting at from all these stupid dumb questions from these c'unt burgers and h'oe bags. I also am aware now that SSI pulled this on me and decided that an delayed/many loophole tactics is needed + this is sounding like a plea that SSI was hoping I would slip up + see if I'm putting on a façade so that way SSI wouldn't have to put me down as another person for a monthly SSI check. Because really there is no other explanation for this/why SSI would do this crap to me etc.
The only thing that left my body today was my spiritual energy took a heavy blow from the reptilian place. I’m glad I’m underneath the protection of the Abyssal and Beelzebub or I would be severely drained even worse. But maybe I’ll go to sleep tonight and I’ll wake up as a normal person. I was so pissed when she said this to see if the SSI claim is still up to date I clenched my fist underneath the chair. I was so pissed off. Yes my dad has also told them that his Mother might've been Autistic because she acted really strange + I act almost exactly like her but his mom never got tested he told the examiner and then examiner told me and my dad that in the 40's and up that Autism wasn't a thing and back in the day there really wasn't no test at that time for Autism. If that were the case then why the fuck in the past were doctors asking where did my Autism come from? Plus doctors need to understand something. I'm sure my dead ancestors + my dad's mom and the rest of the dead family had no idea what Autism was. I know the doctors are highly upset that my Autism can't be figured out where the source of my Autism begins. But doctors need to understand one thing. Crap happens and that's reality. Omg someone consult the Elder Gods on this one. If anyone can help with this madness that would be Cthulhu. Which Cthulhu can you please have mercy on this madness?
But please psychologist stop saying that how is your mental illness still affecting you or why you're still depressed? Never ask an Autistic person that and never ask a person that has dealt with a lot of trauma of why he or she is depressed. Because we will never magically be cured even though you and the government will always think that. Some people think that with very damaging trauma you can recover within a few years. No, some people can't and that's reality.
- Sealing this as my mind is Saturn. Which reminds me I told the SSI doctors besides self hatred I still feel so much darkness. I also told them I'll never forget the severe high school bullying I faced because of my physical appearance/my unbalanced gait issue. All the trauma I faced all of my life. I also said I'm very self aware that I shouldn't be holding on to the past but I simply can't go. I started doing hand gestures showing like a cage like knotting my figures together and pulling them apart. I also told her I feel in limbo, rooted, imprisoned and I can't escape. I’m also sure the self hatred will seal the deal if not then there is no hope for SSI approving my second appeal. Then I would've to hire a free disability lawyer to duke out the reptilians. I guess SSI thoughts that I will hopefully expect be free of Autism like the Autism somehow and some way my Autism magically left my body and I was magically cured or SSI will send me to another doctor seeing if I’m magically cured yet so that way SSI won't pay me a monthly check. I also told them that I denied SSI claims saying due to my limited disabilities that I can still find limited work full time and I never will have interest working full time. I also told them I wrote a 4 page essay denying their claim. I told them I'm not working myself till exhaustion and due to my Autism I don't want that + I can't handle being overstimulated. My dad is also so mentally exhausted with SSI he even told the disability worker at the psychologist that people have gotten disability with less problems than I've and that's just the truth and sad. He also explained about how my sister was born with 0 birth complications to SSI and then he talked about how I've had my cord wrapped around my neck 3 times as a baby and the doctor was getting the cord off my neck and was trying to get me to cry. Because I didn't respond/did take a few tries. My dad also told me in the past he didn't count how long I went without crying but my dad did state to me that I did take a few minutes to respond. Because I didn't cry like a normal baby when I was born. This is where I did take this question very offensive about my dead mother. Anyways the psychologist then asked RIGHT AFTER THAT if my mom did any substance abuse after that statement and my dad was like never. Because when my mom was alive she never drank but my sip of mead when I turned 21 to see what it tasted like. My mom never smoked, did drugs and anything like that. Basically that place insulted my dead mother and insulted my Autism. Just because my sister is six years apart and was born with zero issues, doesn't have a learning disability and is a normally functioning being on this planet Earth besides M.S. doesn't mean my mom was a substance abuser when she was expecting me 6 years later. I understand that SSI has to ask this but omfg. She also got me to walk and she goes I see you got an unbalanced gait issue. So that tells me alone right there that SSI needed another person to check me out to make sure that I wasn't being a fake. So as I suspected SSI was seeing if I was faking anything/why this wasn't a phone call. I see you testing me you damn reptilians you can't fool me.
Why am I saying this? Because like I said in past text messages the papers stated that they need more information on my mental condition. Nobody needs this MUCH INFORMATION ON SOMEONE WITH AUTISM. Because any doctor in the mental illness department should know that Autism is a fully life long condition. There are 0 cures unless you're a quack doctor that thinks you're going to wake up and see the sunrise and wake up one day and be a normal person. Some doctors think that some patients have it in their head that they're Autistic so what doctors try to do is mentally break someone to see if their façade can fall apart. I know I was being tested by reptilians. The aura I got there today in that building was heavy. Some doctors believe ADHD medication will fully cure a person with Autism. So the main issue is my Autism and not my unbalanced gait issue. Because she seemed to look at me like I've had 5 sets of heads when I was trying to explain to her about why my mental condition is still here + why I'm still depressed from all that trauma I had in the past. I see the true motive of SSI now. I really believe that SSI wants me to cave in and to say my Autism went away and that I'm not Autistic anymore so that is one person less that they've to pay each month. Logically this is the true reason. Because really there is no other reason for this. Because this is a delay tactic. I'm also amused that SSI tried to abuse me this much. Because SSI already has stacks of papers on my mental condition. You don't need more information on my Autism. But once you've been psychologically abused all your life where you choose to meditate in the Black Water Ooze of the Abyssal and listen to the tongue of the serpentine and feel in touch with Loki's sons, madness has no effect on me. Some people would've already gone insane from this abuse.
The funny thing that I did before I entered the building.
Since Jupiter is the core value of my heart I decided to take a nice shit in that place. When my dad parked the car I said I had to go to the restroom. Probably the caffeine drink I had (I only drink energy drinks that are made with matcha green tea or all natural ingredients to get the caffeine) then I had a hard boil egg, pepper Turkey jerky and then cheddar stick. But yeah I did flush the toilet because the bathroom smells like pepper and Turkey jerky so whatever. Because Jupiter is my belief in my heart so that’s only generous of me. Just like I hope I can keep going to sleep and one day be free of Autism. Because I’m sure the next letter I get from SSI will be denied or the government will ask for me to get tested to see if I’m magically cured and Autism has left my body.
So people will have a hard time believing this was asked as well.
You want to know stupid the SSI place thinks I’m? They asked if I knew who the president was this year and the one before that. They also asked if I knew how to prepare a sandwich. Just because I’ve a learning disability doesn’t mean I’m that stupid.
I don’t know man. This shit is insane.
This is psychological abuse from SSI and that I’ve never been so insulted in my life till now because:
Insulting my dead mother.
Insulting my intellectual smarts. Maybe they should start asking non academic questions to see how smart I really am. Just because academically I’m very slow in the school department of smarts and doesn’t mean I don’t know how to make a sandwich.
As someone with Autism I’ve never been that insulted in my life. Just because I take 10-15 minutes to answer a handful of 5-7th grade math (which is basic math) doesn't mean I'm THAT FUCKING STUPID. The place also made me count backwards and I started counting with my fingers to get to the answer and I've always had an automatic response with my hand and I've no idea why when I've to count. My hands automatically do that. What I don't understand is why am I been treated like I'm fucking down right retarded? What I don't understand is why can't SSI ask other questions about cooking, what would you do in an emergency, math, comprehension, spelling, if you know who the president is etc. My thing with this statement is why can't any SSI doctors ask anything else besides that? Just because a person takes till Christmas to answer some math problems doesn't automatically assume that they're that fucking retarded. Also I did tell SSI that I've a hard time with long term memory when things come to school wise. Like you guys already know what happened to me by my old blog about my English teacher but the things that I failed at I always put periods at the end of a long sentence and I don't need to be told that because a few past users that read my blogs say the grammar is really bad. Well those people no longer communicate with me anymore so who really cares? Anyways back on the subject. I did tell the people at that reptilian place that I did my hardest trying to learn at school. I wanted to learn. The issue I had was storing all the heavy loaded information in my wolf skull. All the information that was super overwhelming in high school just completely melted my wolf skull. Like I remember in Algebra I would've to be retaught what I learned from yesterday because I didn't remember the steps that I was being taught when I studied for after school for Algebra and what that means is I was one on one repeating the Algebra steps I kept on forgetting and the cycle kept on going. I couldn't store the knowledge in my wolf skull etc. Like I couldn't even remember the first thing/step that was shown to me how to solve Algebra because I had too much information to store in my wolf skull. I'm the same way for video games. Sometimes if there is a puzzle I've to talk out loud to start problem solving the damn thing. I'm sure SSI is going to blame my video games for my decline of memory function. Because they did ask again what I do everyday I don't know why they asked this because I got asked this on my last SSI exam last year and Tri County as of 2020. So idk why the company asked this question. But let me break down a few things. You guys already know about my ex aunt and my aunts already. Since SSI already has this information I decided to bring up only pieces of it because I WANTED OUT OF THAT BUILDING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE I WAS GETTING NAUSEATED! I told her my ex aunt thinks I'm psychopathic because she found out in 2021 that I'm Autistic. She also said that SSI and Workforce will never help me. I also told them that my aunts never ask how I'm or do something. I told them that my aunts once I turned 18 that's when my aunts stopped doing lunch and dinner with me because my aunts say I don't deserve anything. This is going off topic because it's something I didn't tell SSI but my ex aunt you know the one that I talked about she does bible study and reads the bible first thing when she wakes up? She sometimes has lunch with her friends after going to Church on Sundays and I know this because my dad told me recently why he had to visit his sister to go pick up some kind of paper that was dropped off at the P.O. Box etc. So I find that quite odd. Anyways back on subject. Told them as well that my aunts think I don't deserve Birthdays or Christmas celebrations because I'm an adult and I don't need anything/deserve anything. That's why I don't do anything with my family besides my sister. I also told them that my sister is 2 hours and 48 minutes without traffic so I don't see her as often as I would like. I really didn't say anything about my dad because well he could hear everything I was saying outside of the lobby. The examiner did bring my dad in for a few questions and a few of them he was like SSI already has that information and I don't want to talk about that right now when things come to a touchy subject etc. I did tell the examiner about why I applied for SSI which idk WHY I HAD TO RETELL THEM THAT WHEN SSI ALREADY HAS THAT IN MY CASE NUMBER. I told them that I'm number 7k by Section 8 housing and I can't wait any longer. I told them that I was 10k when I was 21 years old. Then I told her I've no idea what will happen when my dad dies because my ex aunt that thinks I'm psychopathic she is living with one of her sisters (which is one of my dad's sisters) I've one aunt left then I've my sister that is 2 hours and 48 minutes away without traffic. Due to split custody I can't live that far and wouldn't work. I basically flat out told her I would be screwed. She didn't know how to respond to that and looked at me YET AGAIN like I had 5 sets of heads on me and started typing things on her computer. I did tell them as well me and my aunts don't get along because they're homophobic because of their belief. But yeah anyways since SSI has this information and I was feeling sick from these reptilians I just ended that and went on to the next question. My dad did also tell them before he walked out of the lobby that I'm still trying to find something for Workforce. For people that are new to this blog you can find the processing time, procedure and the massive ordeal I faced on these two blogs.

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