Mr. Viking

The first and obviously the worst. I remember being so enthralled in your lingo and your own personal brand of dork. I remember being so happy to have someone who liked me as much as I liked them. I remember the long telephone conversations the risky texts. The mean nicknames and the special rated videos you showed to your friends. The funny way you would act when bringing up other friends to me. The way you waltzed in and out of my life when coinvent for you. I would hate myself for being the one to allow the pain you caused me. I would let you do all of this and more to me to have you love me. I had such a sick obsession with love. I had such a sad need for love and affection. It was only natural to be someone like you to be the person to teach me one of the golden rules of our Hellscape. 

RULE #1: 

Trust. Giving it to those who deserve it. Don't ever sell yourselves out ladies and gentlemen. 

I personally hope for your sake you really have changed and see that the version of yourself from back then wasn't anywhere near where you should be now. I personally do not love you. The fire has been since stomped out. I don't have but a tiny scar from the knife I put there myself. Please forgive me for the manner in which I am about to say this. I thought you were the most interesting person and you had a cute smile. I liked your taste in music I thought you had the funniest jokes I really liked you. I gave myself to you as one does when they feel like they are ready. Then in a moment of weakness you let your admissions flow and I couldn't handle your past. It makes sense now and no amount of time would allow me to ever forgive myself for the outright idiotic person I was back then. I was too invested in finding someone to love at too young of an age to process all the things happening to me. I thought with the gap in age you might have taken it easy on me. Funny thing about assuming things about people with the rose colored shades over your eyes. You taught me the lessons I needed to learn for myself. Funny thing is I genuinely thought you had interest in me. But as I saw with my attempt at love and relationships I was you. So willing to put everything aside to feel anything from before. I changed into this person I didn't like or love. While I did see you throughout my journey willingly subjecting myself to the horrors that would ensue I wanted out. I see you now here in this wasteland I have come accustomed to and see that same child like wonder about you but seeing you as for what you are. I might politely tell you to end yourself but I mean to say is Fuck You. Fuck You for everything. It wasn't nice it was a wild weird ride. I know you weren't ever interested in being with me you were more focused on others. Fuck you. I hope the best for you. But honestly I know I could never forgive or forget. 

Nothing I haven't told you on here. Not that you will ever read this. Not that anyone will read this and if you are. I am just letting out the things inside my soul.