Mr. H

Dear Mr. H, 

I don't ever think I will get used to seeing you with someone else. I think in my mind I just see you as you were and no amount of having someone else on your arm will matter. You are still the charming conniving man I once knew. I remember all the times we would lay side by side out of breath. I remember the moments of anger and jealousy. I remember the goofy smiles and the deep talks about our future. I remember the car rides home after seeing you and having the feelings overcome me as I was so sure I would be with you till I would die. But once the prison of school and work hit me again I was forced into following the blueprints of the people who were supposed to be looking out for me. It was kinda fun misbehaving with you. The love making and the funny talks. I wanted to be in your world so bad I was willing to give up everything for us. But as the cowardly child I was I chose to follow the easy path. The easy path had me going in and out of a state of depression. It wasn't the alcohol or the drugs blinding me it was the fear of disappointment. I wasn't meant for you. She gave you everything I wouldn't allow myself to have. You gave her everything and it makes me happy inside to know you found someone who makes you happy and completes you. I will forever cherish the moments we shared. Listening to the Panic at The Disco song we would make love to. The funny moments of just pure unadulterated nonsense. It was a real emotional connection and if I would've been more mature and wouldn't have lied and broke you so many times I could have kept my word. I just was not meant for you. I still think of those moments when I am alone. I still hold on to the thoughts of you thinking of it too but know I am insane and that you have completely moved on. But maybe.. just maybe if you are thinking of me know I apologize forever for the sins of my younger much more foolish self. 

Love, 

The Worst Ex.