Burning Scars

How do I possibly show everything inside me to someone else? How does this constant fear overcome me in the worst of moments? Am I to keep painting the mask for everyone and muster up a false sense of optimism? I'd like to think I am not alone and that others are feeling this sense of impending doom. Is it the horrors of real life or am I just driving myself into this dark place. I've been in dark places before but not like this. Do you ever have those moments of deep contemplation? Where you realize you have been on auto pilot for so long you realize you have gone so far off course. You look at yourself disgusted and wonder where you have been. Asking yourself the important questions that need to be asked. Is this even me anymore? I've been spending a lot of time letting others ignoring me or brushing off my serious attempts at friendships. I have been letting myself feel less than I am while forgetting I am so much more. I regret the person I used to be and still feel ashamed that I still have my regrets. I let them go but it doesn't change the scars. I was a lonely angsty child and became the love obsessed teenager to the weird and quite possibly insane woman I am today. Do I try to be better and move on from all the dumb past scars still burning. I just seem to struggle more than I used to. Maybe one day I will be someone who can be open and find my footing with these emotions I keep inside. It's not over by a longshot for me.