sometimes i wonder why i keep going.
the deep hollowing emptiness in my chest consumes me until all i feel is tv static and an intense passion for pain.
i say i live on spite and ambition,
and to an extent that's true.
however i remember one night where out of my control i almost lost my life,
and the very next night i slept with my dear friend.
i laid there with him, and hid my face in his chest as i cried.
because i almost missed out on such a lovely moment, and it broke my heart.
yet sometimes i still wonder why i keep going.
i found it's so i can still go on car rides, hear the sound of her laughter, enjoy freshly unboxed cigarettes, hang up dried flowers, buy freshly misted veggies, feel his body against mine, drink cold coffee, and attend warmly lit dinners.
i've found that's enough for me.
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