My Personal Philosophy On Friendship

I feel, in theory, I could weasel my way into most peoples lives if I really wanted to. Mirroring people is easy. Learning what people want from you is easy. Being myself and being likable at the same time, however, is not. I am awkward and speak formally most often. It is very hard to communicate with other 17 year olds when your vocabulary extends beyond, or is simply outside, of theirs. Not to mention people lie. 

I feel this is a given, but I think dishonesty is ugly. It's probably one of the ugliest things you can be, dishonest. People are generally "polite" in a way that is simply them telling lies of omission. I hate trying to talk to people who do that. I'm socially slow, not stupid. 

There are two kinds of people when it comes to forming relationships, friendships in particular: the chaser and the chased. The chaser is the one who puts in the effort in the beginning, the one who attempts to form a bond initially. The chased is the one whom interest is placed upon, the one who welcomes the advances, the curiosity. 

I have been chased perhaps once in my life. Generally speaking, I have always been the chaser. It is exhausting after a while to say the least. I yearn to be chased. I want to be the one who is interesting, who draws attention, regardless of my disposition. I am fully aware that I am not an approachable person. I am bland and intimidating to most. This reality does not curb my desire. If anything, it fuels it. I want to feel wanted because of my disposition, not despite it.