shit, i'm actually 16.

last we talked i just got out of school, and now it's the night (technically morning, it's 0026 right now.) before the first day of the 11th grade.

i dont really know how to feel about it at all to be honest. being 16 is really weird because you start seeing all the things you really regret doing when you were younger, but you're still not mature enough to realize the mistakes you're currently making . i mean like, you think you're invincible. not invincible in the way we thought we were at 14. being 16 is like knowing there's a ticking time bomb 2 feet away from you that could blow up at any moment, and getting bored extremely fast about that fact. does that make sense??? maybe not. i'm a little bit in the clouds. 

it's not like my classes are bad either. actually, i'm quite excited this year. i won't really be getting deadnamed in my class because the school changed it to My name. the only time it'll happen is when my coworkers see me in the halls and stuff, but i can manage that because well, it's kind of funny i guess?? my friends who dont know my deadname always look so confused lolol. 

i'm really excited for my classes as well. i think this year i'm gonna buckle down and work hard, and try to be only reasonably high. i was in a really bad way last year; i went to school high every day and all throug lunch and it was actually the worst year of my life, i think.

ANYWAY, my classes this semester include forensics and physics. i'm pretty excited for both to be honest-- i've always wanted to learn more about crime scenes and stuff and i listened a little bit here and there to some true crime podcasts, also have watched brooklyn99 since season5. i'm also excited for physics because, well, while i didnt pay attention much to my science teacher, i think it will be better for me as we're only gonna be doing physics and not all three sciences in 1 sem, you know? also math, but math is whatever, its math and im okay at it. im just excited about physics because if i am able  to enjoy it and excell at it then i have a chance at an okay future.

Going back to a previous point because, naturally, i am very bad at organizing my thoughts and i dont care enough to go back and change things. growing up is kind of like slowly realizing the stereotypes were true. i mean obviously not like the terrible stereotypes but i mean like. the angry teenager. the funny friend. the unrealistically ignorant teacher. i mean like, all the stereoypes about high school and teenagers and stuff-- i mean, they were'nt all false. this is going sooo far beyond any point i was trying to make-- what point was i trying to make?

i mean, like, i'm really curious to see what kinds of things the younger genZ come up with and what kind of epiphanies they'll have. i sound incredibly weird. 

WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS

try to have fun at school

take it seriously but not too seriously

BE A TEENAGER!!!! 

i'm so gonna regret not readingthis over at all