been a while

been a while since i've been on here. many things have happened in the past few months including an internship i finished and me going into my junior year of college :0!! i can't believe it, it feels like it was only yesterday that the governor announced that we'd be out of school for a month and now i'm almost done with college.  i always feel myself flip flopping, like stuck between trying to live in the moment and trying to savor it at the same time. i keep trying to live and have my experience be like others when i have to realize that i'm not them and that i need to live my own life. gerard way once said that he used to be afraid of dying but then he/other ppl are really scared to live. Living means making your own decisions and taking control of your life and that does scare me but i can't keep living other ppl's ideas of my life. i feel like i'm not doing enough or that i'm not having a "true college experience" but like what does that even  mean??? Drinking and partying all the time. i'm not saying anything's wrong with that but maybe it's not my vibe, but maybe i am really living by trying new things...idk i have so many ppl's words and moods stuck to me like lint on black clothing. i wish i could forget more of what other's say and get wrapped up in my own world...thinking all the time is exhausting...oh to be a delusional darling who thinks of nothing and sees the world as false. oh well at least i have my coat of optimism to keep my warm in a world so frozen with pessimism. anyway this update has gone on far toooooo long and this is spacehey and not my diary sooo yeahhhh. anyway yeah life's been good